Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Late Updates and Writefaggotry

Hello all! I'm too lazy to write anything substantial, so here's a dump of progress pictures that have been building up since last post:

The start of my first Black Brother (an elite Angry Marine that is so upset that he catches on fire. Yes I am also shocked that this is not a racist joke, seeing as it came from 4chan). The jet plume is made from gorilla glue, I'm pretty proud of it:

I ran into some problems with the arms on brother Caede, so I finished brother Ignus instead:

Belligerent Engine, Brother Ignus

Also started work on Bruisiarch Pugnacious, the Grimdark (counts as Astaroth the Grim):

And last, but certainly not least, we have the finished Moarfistin, the Extremely Cross:

Moarfistin, The Extremely Cross (counts as Mephiston)
I posted this pic as well as some homebrew fluff for him on 4chan, and not only did they add to it, but he is now included on the wiki page as official Angry Marine canon. Lookie! I know right? You are currently looking at the blog of a famous person. Gonna put that shit on my resume. Anyway, here's the aforementioned writefaggotry:

♦­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­♦­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­♦­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­♦­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­♦­
Some say that before being brought into the chapter for initiation Moarfistin was a proctologist's assistant on a far flung Imperial colony. It was on that colony that an experimental plague released by Nurgle cultists caused a widespread pandemic of deadly dysentery.

The colony did not have a large population, and the colonies doctors, including his master, were the first targeted by the horrific disease. Being the only trained professional for his line of work, all the cases fell upon him. He slaved for months, mired in feces and the corpses of his loved ones. A hellish life of failure and perpetual disgust eventually took it's toll and he became increasingly violent and angry. One morning, he awoke to find that the last living colonists had shat themselves to death all over his equipment, and that the feces had transformed into capering Nurglings. At this point, the records say, he "completely lost his shit".

The cultists were absolutely gleeful that their plague had done its work and killed the entire population; little did they know that one man, reinforced by a healthy diet high in fiber and latent psychic powers, had survived. A furious Moarfistin (as he would become known, original records on his true identity have been lost) came screaming over the horizon surrounded in a nimbus of psychic energy and as angry as at least 25 motherfuckers. Caught off guard, and then caught with medical instruments up their colons, the cultists knew true despair. This unstoppable path of destruction continued among the heretics as the newly born Moarfistin continued to force larger and larger objects up each individual anus.

Far away, an Angry Marine battle barge traveling the warp was buffeted by the waves of pure, seething, righteous rage. Impressed with this display of anger, and utterly furious that "pizza day" lunch had been interrupted, they diverted course to the world. There they found Moarfistin standing atop of pile of embarrassingly mutilated corpses; not a single daemon or cultist had survived. The scrawny, glowing figure was recorded as shouting: "THAT OUGHT TO SHUT YOUR FUCKING SHIT BOXES, YOU DRIBBLING CUNTS!!"

Although Space Marines usually recruit from feral worlds with hardy, muscular warriors, an exception was made for this otherwise scrawny butt doctor turned mad berserker. He was recruited immediately into the Librarium, where he would rise to a high rank.

Armed with the terrifying "Fisting Stick" and traveling in his mighty battle-barge, "Considerable Shouting", Moarfistin is currently leading the Somethingth Company of Angry Marines on a Crusade to "COMPLETELY FUCK UP THOSE VAGINA HEAD TAU". He decided to do this after accidentally viewing Gundam fanart of a particularly disturbing nature. Unfortunately (for all the enemies of the Imperium between point A and point B) he started the crusade while on the complete opposite end of the galaxy from the Tau Empire.

When an allied inquisitor questioned the sanity of plotting a course directly through the Eye of Terror, Moarfistin replied "IT WILL BE THE BLEEDING ASSHOLE OF TERROR WHEN I'M DONE WITH IT!!". To prove his point he then impaled a carnifex with it's own head, gave the inquisitor a full body Apache burn as well as wedgie, all within the span of eleven seconds.

The "Somethingth Company" of Angry Marines is named as it is because the normally chaotic organization of the Chapter is compounded by fact that Moarfistin recruited for the Crusade by simply yelling "YOU STUPID SHITS DON'T LOOK BUSY!! GET ON BOARD, WE'RE KILLING SOME FUCKING XENOS!!". Thus began what is anticipated to be a very long, bloody campaign.

Menacing as Librarian Moarfistin's appearance is, some would wonder why he lacks a pyschic hood. To which he responds "I DON'T NEED A GOOFY LOOKING MAGIC HAT TO PROTECT ME FROM HERETICAL BULLSHIT!"
And that is that! Until next time...

PS - this just came in the mail /evilgrin: