Monday, April 30, 2012

Berks Spring Assault

First things first, I finished the last model I needed to field to fight it out at Berks Spring Assault (a really well put together yearly tournament that goes on in my area, google it! 77 people ended up playing!):

This was the first public fight my Angry Marines were to participate in! The tourney was 1000 pts, 4 rounds, each mission was secret until the round started. My list was as follows:

 - Moarfistin (Meph)
 - 10 x Angry Marines (DC w/ various upgrades)
 - Brother Caede (DC Dread)
 - Land Speeder w/ AssCan and Melta
 - StormRaven

That's right, no scoring units. I decided that taking objectives was less important then JUST FUCKING KILLING EVERYTHING. I went not planning to win, or even come close, I was in it for the LULZ. was announced that, for the purposes of the tourney, anything with a WS counted as a scoring unit, unless specifically noted otherwise (death company, drones, etc). Hrm! That leaves me with one scoring unit (Moarfistin) and another scoring unit that won't actually stay still (Brother Caede). WELL SHIT, NOW I CAN'T LOSE!!

Here's the scene:

They also had a painting/model competition called the "Golden Grot". Basically you could enter models you would not be playing with in up to 3 categories, and all the people there would vote. I entered my Black Brother in single mini and got this:


What follows is a half assed attempt at some battle reports. Many of my pictures were awful and had to be deleted, so I've just included the (somewhat) acceptable ones.


Basically, this was a 3 objective mission; control/contest them at the end of the game and get points, you also got points for killing the enemy commander. My opponent had lotsa shoota boyz, lootaz, flash gitz, kommandos, and a big mek in a grot squad.

I could have played it safe, or I could JAM MY WHOLE ARMY DOWN HIS FUCKING THROAT UNTIL HE IS DEAD. I did some quick math in my head and decided, although it's a risk, there's a good chance it will work and I will probably board him in like 2 turns if it does. ALSO IT'S THE FUCKING ANGRY THING TO DO!!

So I charged my Raven (carrying Caede the Angry Marines) right into his shit, with my speeder and Moarfistin on it's heels. As expected, he surrounded it, assaulted it, and one lucky power klaw got through and wrecked it. Just about anything else would have been ok, but wrecked meant that I lost everything inside. FUCK, that was like 80% of my army. I gambled and lost, oh well.

With the Raven dead, my speeder busied itself taking pot shots at the orks try to take my objective until it was eventually stripped of it's weapons and blown up.

Moarfistin did much better. He slaughtered his way though a flash git mob and a bunch of orks until he reached the Mek, who was then treated to a MIGHTY FUCKING FIST UP THE DICK. He then sat on the enemy's objective until the green hoard eventually pulled him down.

Overall, it was a fun game. I made a gamble and lost, but wracked up a nice kill tally and fought until the bitter end.



This mission was interesting. Basically we each picked a troop model and "swapped" them. The "traitor" got an extra wound,  a 5+ invuln, and became an independant char attached to the squad that the other traitor came from. I picked a Sgt w/ a power fist, he picked an Angry Marine with a Thunder Wrench. Basically you got points for:

  1. Kill the traitor
  2. Kill the traitor's Squad
  3. Kill the enemy Commander
  4. Keep them from doing all those things to you
He had two squads in pods, a dread, 2 speeders, and an elite squad (Sword Brethren?) that was flanking. Turn one had us shoot at each other a bit, our speeders started dog fighting, a speeder got stunned, but that was about it. Turn two, he failed his reserve rolls, I blew up his one speeder, and brother Caede killed his dread with a melta to the face. Our two speeders continued their dog fight on the empty side of the table.

His one pod (with the traitor and his Champ) dropped in right behind me to take revenge on Caede. A plasma pistol to the back saw him 'splode.

Speeders still dog fighting.

Revenge for Caede! Moarfistin and my Angry Squad charge his Champ, traitor, and marine unit!

Me finishing the dog fight!

My traitor ended up being wounded by the Champ, but not killed, Champ & friends were completely wiped out. Other than that, I just lost 2 Marines to my own stolen thunder wrench!

The circle is where his Elites finally came in, and died, Speeder and Raven combined their firepower to UNLOAD ABOUT A DOZEN CRATES OF FUCK YOU ON THOSE POSERS.

His final Pod came in at the same time. I charged him with everything, and...

They died.

Crushing Victory for me! My opponent was really crippled by some unlucky reserve rolls. I was basically able to just overwhelm him because he kept coming in piecemeal :(


This was another objective mission, but a bit different. Basically you got points at the end of each enemy turn for each objective you had a scoring unit in B2B with. There were 4 objectives. I had, as stated before, two scoring units, one of which has ADHD.

My opponent had a tac squad mounted in a crusader with a Sang Priest, and an assault squad led by his commander, also with a Priest.

To start he parked his Crusader next to one objective and flew his assault marine over to my side to dry and dislodge me. I parked my Raven on my closest objective, using Caede as the scoring unit; since he's embarked, he can't fucking run off like a dumbass.(which is a really funny mental image) Moarfistin then flew to my second objective and started a staring contest with the land raider. My speeder charged forward to harass the incoming assault squad.

The assault marines took heavy casualties as they advanced on me ( I was rending like a boss), but they managed to take out my speeder. I then deployed my Angry Squad to FUCK THEIR SHIT UP. Meanwhile, Moarfist decided that after two turns of getting shot, that the Land Raider had blinked; he flew over and swatted off the melta and stunned it.

As you can see, no more assault squad or commander. The land raider and storm raven started exchanging fire, and the Angry Squad ran forward with a mighty FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Meanwhile, Moarfistin jumped over the Land Raider and began to fuck up the marines holding the back objective.

The Land Raider got a lucky Rend and took out the Raven, and THAT DUMBSHIT CAEDE WAS GOING TO MOVE AWAY FROM THE OBJECTIVE.

Luckily, there where no more enemy models after that, so I was able to sit on the markers and generate points until the game ended. VICTORY!!!


This battle was just an annihilation mission; sounds great, right? Fuck no. I will just summarize since it was an embarrassment. Basically I tried to let him come to me, then counter attack(like game 3), when I should have pulled what I did in game 1. That combined with some surprise powerfists with 18 million attacks because the bearer holds the yiffing stone of wolfy mcwolfingston, or something, I don't fucking know. That has always been my problem with the puppies, at least other armies TRY to justify their cheesy nonsense rules, SW just paint two dogs fucking on a bolter and suddenly it's an ordinance melta gun that counts as a power sword in CC.

Regardless of my feelings on the in-the-closet-furries, I fucked up, and my opponent took advantage of that fuckup ruthlessly and efficiently. Here's the pics:

So 2 and 2? Waaayy better then I planned on, and I had a blast! After the games we moved onto the raffles (which I won nothing from) and the prizes. First I got this:

WAIT, WHAT? I THINK THERE HAS BEEN A MISTAKE! DO I FUCKING LOOK RED TO YOU?!?! The little blurb on the bottom made me laugh really hard, considering what I brought.

Then I got these! I ended up walking away with a Razorwing, LR Redeemer, and an armfull of other assorted loot!

I had no idea I was going to walk outta there with such a haul! If anyone from Berks Gaming club is reading this, thanks for your support, and thanks for putting on such an awesome event!!! Can't wait till next year!!


  1. That was some of the best Batt reps I have ever read and your models are amazing. One question though, why did you lose the squad inside your Storm raven on game one? The only time you would lose the squad inside a transport that has gone flat out is if it were wrecked in your movement phase due to a dangerous terrain check according to the brb faq. When the storm raven was wrecked in your opponents turn you would have just followed the regular rules for a wrecked vehicle. Anyway great army, great writing!

    1. Glad you enjoyed it! As Colin said, I was surrounded and couldn't disembark, so everything died.

  2. lol he actually played me in that game!

    i surrounded it and wreaked it. because it was wreaked and not exploded he had to disembark and stay an inch away from me. If it had exploded he could've just sat in the crater. but because there was no room for him to disembark everyone inside is killed to! it's an amazing rule that swarm armies love to exploit!

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  4. I'm really glad that you received a proper level of recognition for your efforts and your painting abilities. Your love for the genre really comes through in your work. Well done and well written. A good start to the chronicles of your exploits. Perhaps an angry marine novel someday?

    1. Thanks for the feedback! An Angry Marine Novel, eh? That might be a bit beyond my abilities, but maybe someday, lol. I AM planning on making an Angry Marine codex for 6th edition, and fucking doing it right!!